Dirty, Dark, & Dangerous: A Contemporary Romance Boxset Read online

“It’s not exploiting anyone. It’s raising awareness of a need for medical research, resources, or any help for a cure. Donations can help families who can’t afford medical care for their kids. The money can give them a fighting chance. How can you be opposed to helping, especially after…” She paused, biting her lower lip. “…after what happened to your brother? These kids are all someone’s brother, sister, son, or daughter. I don’t understand why you’re so closed off to the idea.”

  “Look, Sara. I can appreciate your position, but I’ve made my own bed, along with a hell of a lot of suck-ass choices. I have to live with my situation. I’ll temper my actions, but I won’t beg for mercy. I’m not a bad person, and I’m definitely not a phony driven by image.”

  “That’s a very nice speech, but you are accountable - to yourself, to the band, to the label, and to your fans. This can be a quick fix.“

  He snickered. Oh, the naiveté. All the snark in the universe couldn’t erase it. “Come on, sweetheart. There’s no quick fix for anything about me. I’m complex, tormented, soulless…haven’t you read the papers?”

  “That’s not who you really are.” She leaned in, a strand of blonde hair falling over her right eye. He longed to brush it back, to tuck it into place, and then run his hands through the rest of it, pulling her closer, tasting those pouty pink lips.

  “You sound pretty sure about that. How can everyone else be wrong?”

  “They don’t see what I see.”

  “And what do you see? Humor me.” He toyed with the cardboard wrapped around his Starbucks coffee cup.

  A soft smile tugged those sinful lips upward. “I see someone who’s acting out because he doesn’t know how to accept his circumstances.”

  “What if I don’t want to accept them?”

  “Then figure out how to change them.”

  “Ever hear of lost causes?”

  “I’m not saying everything in your life can be repaired with the flick of a switch. But if you accept your situation and try to make positive changes, that’s progress. Things may not be perfect, but you’ll be true to yourself, and forgive me for saying so, but I’m pretty sure you’re hiding behind those vices because it’s safer than baring your soul and being perceived as vulnerable.”

  “I thought you were a publicist, not a shrink.”

  She winked. “Double major in college.”

  “I’m still not doing any of it.”

  “Okay. It was only one of my ideas and I wouldn’t be a very good publicist if I didn’t have an arsenal of other press-battling weapons.” She re-opened the lid of her laptop.

  “Your fingers haven’t cramped up yet?”

  “Nope.”

  Click, click, click. The speed was impressive. And her ten-cent therapy session wasn’t too far off base. “I guess I’ll just wait until your fingers need another break before you divulge the next—” His iPhone vibrated on the table, the number on the screen stopping him mid-sentence. He jumped up and stabbed the Accept button. “Hey, Millie.”

  Sara’s eyes crept upward, though her fingers never stopped moving. Avoiding her gaze, he walked toward the large picture window, watching the crystal blue waters of the waterfall spilling into his Olympic-sized swimming pool. “How’s Luke doing?”

  Millie, the head nurse at the Children’s Cancer Center at MD Anderson, let out a deep sigh. “Not good, Dax. He really wants to see you. I know you’re busy, but things aren’t looking good.”

  The tightness in Daxton’s chest squeezed the oxygen from his lungs. He wanted to cry, to throw things, to scream for the mercy of this little boy, who wouldn’t have a chance to live much beyond his nine years. They’d become fast friends ever since Luke had become Jase’s roommate. After Jase passed away, Daxton continued to visit Luke and the other kids whenever he had down time, even though it hurt like hell not to see his brother in the crowd of smiling faces. He wrote new songs for the kids, brought treats, and gave music lessons… anything to make them happy and hopeful, since there was so much darkness clouding their days.

  “I’ll be there in half an hour.”

  “Thanks, Dax. It’ll mean so much to him.” Relief was evident in Millie’s voice. The sharp pang in his chest warned him that he was on borrowed time. His friend needed him.

  “I’ll see you soon.” Daxton clicked off the phone and squeezed his eyes shut to keep the tears from falling. Things were always going to end in this way, but dammit, he wasn’t prepared. It was too much of a harsh reminder of Jase’s final days. How quickly the Band-Aids had been ripped from wounds that were now open, raw, and exposed. Memories exploded in his mind…Jase’s cold, lifeless fingers laced with his own, his pale face and vacant expression, his withered body against the stark white sheets.

  Pull it together. Be there for someone else. Do it for Luke. Do it for Jase. Do it for yourself.

  “Daxton?”

  He raked a hand through his hair, still staring out the window. “I have to go.”

  “We only have a few more days before the tour starts up again. There’s a lot more to cover.”

  “It can wait. This can’t.”

  “Um, okay. Can I come with you? Maybe we can keep talking for a while longer? I have a meeting with Jake tomorrow, and he’s going to want—”

  “I don’t give a flying fuck about Jake. And no, you can’t come. I have to do this alone.”

  Her scent wafted in the air around him. Something tropical, maybe coconut. It reminded him of his mother’s favorite lotion. The one she’d taken away forever, along with everything else. His stomach twisted.

  “Hey, I don’t know who was on the phone, but you don’t have to push me away. I want to help.” Her hand grazed his arm. Warmth flooded him, bringing comfort and protection from the ensuing pain. “Let me be there for you, Daxton. The weight of the world doesn’t need to rest on your shoulders alone.”

  He turned, meeting her questioning gaze. Her mere presence was so strong; his body couldn’t help gravitating toward it. There were so many conflicting emotions in her expression – confusion, worry, sadness, and hope. She trusted without evidence, had faith with no rationale. Why did she think he was worthy of her time and concern? His actions did nothing to convince her otherwise, but yet, here she was, offering herself, and looking for nothing in return. So unlike everyone else on this goddamned planet.

  “Okay,” he whispered. “But this isn’t for the press. This is just for you, understand?”

  * * *

  Sara gripped the leather bucket seat, hoping the queasy sensation in her belly would finally settle. For the past twenty minutes, Daxton swerved his midnight blue Ferrari in and out of lanes on the freeway, en route to some unknown destination. He hadn’t divulged anything during the ride, and she’d spent the better part of that time biting off her nail polish, and the rest of the time praying for her life.

  She let out a shuddering breath when a large set of mirrored glass buildings came into view. The Houston Medical Center? Did this visit have something to do with his brother? What was so time-sensitive that it couldn’t wait until the following day?

  With one final maneuver, the car came to a screeching halt, right in front of the MD Anderson Cancer Center. The setting sun glowed over the pavilion glittering on the reflective windows. The buildings sat in the midst of a lush landscape of brightly colored flowers and shrubbery. But what would greet them beyond the entrance?

  “Sara.”

  “Yes?” Her voice was so soft, almost inaudible to herself.

  “I’m sorry for dragging you with me. I should have told you the circumstances, but I…” He let out a deep sigh. “…I guess I liked the idea of not being alone after all.”

  “Alone for what?” She fought the temptation to gnaw the loose cuticle on her thumb. “I’m here for you. You can tell me.”

  “There’s a little guy in there who’s in bad shape. My friend. His name is Luke. After Jase passed away, I kept coming to visit and help out with the kids. Luke and I became buddie
s. But he’s really sick, and they don’t know how much longer…” His eyes drifted to the building in front of them. “I need to be here for him.”

  She reached over and squeezed his hand, startled when he squeezed it back. Holy cow, did she not even realize what she’d done? “Let’s go see your friend.”

  They walked into the main building, passing the large, wood-paneled reception area. Daxton had a smile for everyone he passed. Gone was the brooding, tortured soul the tabloids spoke of; the guy the rest of the world thought they knew vanished. He stooped to give high-fives to the younger kids and cracked corny jokes for the older ones. And darn it, if he wasn’t just like the Pied Piper, collecting more and more kids as they made their way through mosaic-painted corridors toward Luke’s wing.

  A heavy-set nurse with kind eyes and a warm, welcoming smile greeted them when they entered. “It’s so good to see you, sweetie.” She pulled Daxton into her arms, gaze set on Sara. “Who’s this young lady? A fan?”

  He snickered. “Hardly. She’s my new publicist. Sara, say hi to Millie. She’s the backbone of this whole facility.”

  “Hi, it’s really nice to meet you.” It was hard not to smile. Millie was a ray of sunshine, exactly what these kids needed on a daily basis.

  “Likewise.” Millie grinned and nodded toward Daxton. “So, you’ve got your work cut out for you with this one, huh?”

  Sara giggled. “You know it.”

  “Dax, are you gonna sing for us tonight?” One of the little girls tugged his black leather jacket.

  He bent down and ruffled her long blonde ringlets. “Maybe a little later if it’s not too late. I need to go see Luke first, okay, Carly?”

  Carly beamed and she threw her arms around his neck. “Okay!”

  An excited squeal pierced the air as Daxton swung Carly around before setting her back on the floor. “Keep an eye on these guys for me in the meantime.”

  Carly gave him the thumbs-up and snuggled into Millie. “You’ve got it, Dax!” It was quite possibly one of the most adorable things Sara had ever seen.

  He laced his fingers with Sara’s. “Come on. We’ll be back later.”

  Sara’s sneakers squeaked on the polished tile floor, the only sound her body was capable of making since her brain and her mouth were suddenly at odds and simultaneously on strike. It was like all of the happiness in Daxton’s world resided here in this cluster of buildings, a place where every second, every smile, every encounter was treasured, because in a blink, it could all be gone. Forever. A cold and senseless reality lurked beyond the vibrant colors and cheerful décor.

  “Why do you give in to the grief, Daxton?” She tugged on his hand, unable to take another step until she’d spoken the words, the lump in her throat all but suffocating her. “Why do you let it consume you? The drinking, the women, the drugs…how can that provide you any comfort? This whole place…” She waved her arms around the empty corridor. “…the kids, the staff…they love you. You bring them happiness and comfort. How could you not focus on all of the good you can do for others? I’m sorry if that’s out of line, but—”

  He dropped her hand and collapsed against a wall that was full of brightly colored yellow sunflowers. “Sara, do you realize this is the one place where I can be myself? Where I’m actually happy, because I know, for even a little while, I can make the kids forget about the horrors that haunt them every day?”

  “But then why do you—”

  “I can’t be here all the time. Shit happens when I’m gone and it’s bad. Sometimes it’s easier to drown my thoughts instead of letting them eat me alive. For a little while, it doesn’t hurt as much when the phone calls come, and I hear I’ve lost another one of my friends. That I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye.”

  Tears pooled in her eyes. God, watching him, hearing the pain in his voice…it felt like her heart was breaking in two. A slow, agonizing pain seeped into her chest. “Daxton, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I didn’t…I didn’t know.”

  He rested his head against the wall, a sad smile lifting his lips. “That’s why we’re here. Because my buddy, Luke, needs me.”

  Her heart thrummed with each step closer to Luke’s room. She was afraid it might burst by the time they made it inside. Prayers were on constant loop in her mind. Please let him be okay, please let him be pain-free, please let him be alive.

  “Dax!” A young boy with thinning blond hair was propped against a pile of pillows. An iPad sat on the table in front of him; some game with lots of characters shouting was open on the screen. A tired smile lit up his pale face. “You came.”

  “Of course I did. How could I not come to see my best pal?”

  “But what about the tour?” Luke’s voice was faint, tired, and breathless. Sara looked around the room. It was blue with soft yellow accents. No wires or machines lined the room. Just a bed, a laptop, lots of stuffed animals, and some super hero costumes. And Pez candy. Lots and lots of Pez.

  “I have a little time before we start up again.” Daxton pulled out an Iron Man Pez dispenser from the inside pocket of his jacket. “Here you go, bud.”

  When had he grabbed that? How had she missed it?

  Luke turned his head toward Sara. “Who’s that? She a groupie?”

  Daxton chuckled. “Dude, you’re nine. What do you know about groupies?”

  “That’s all you can say? Don’t correct him or anything.” Sara rolled her eyes. “I’m Sara, his publicist. My job is to make sure everyone thinks he’s a good guy.”

  Luke’s brow furrowed. “But he’s already a good guy. So what do you get paid for?”

  “Smart kid.” Daxton pulled out a Nintendo DS game case and tossed it on the table. Santa Claus had nothing on this guy.

  “Wow, Super Mario 3D World! Thanks, Dax!”

  “Come on, let’s play. I’ll let you beat me.”

  Luke laughed. “You wish. I’m gonna wipe the floor with you.”

  Daxton poured some Gatorade into a cup and handed it to Luke. “You’re gonna need the energy to keep up with my lightning fast hand-eye coordination.”

  “If you play video games the way you type on your phone, I think I’ll be just fine.”

  “Ouch. That hurts, Luke.” Daxton clutched his heart. “I came all the way here so you could make fun of me?”

  “I’m your friend. And I’ve seen you take twenty minutes to type a password into my iPad. Don’t you want me to be honest with you? Or does the truth hurt?”

  “Dude! I’m insecure enough without you beating me into the ground.”

  Good God, this guy was making her melt faster than a box of chocolates sitting in the summer sun. Luke was animated, energized, and laughing, all because of Daxton. She pulled out her phone and snapped a couple of pictures to capture the pure joy on their faces. It was heartwarming…and heartbreaking at the same time.

  “Do you want a turn?” Daxton flashed his famous grin at Sara. “Are you feeling brave?”

  Sara laughed. “Nah, I’d prefer to watch you get your butt whipped by Luke.”

  “No faith. Ever think I’m letting him beat me?”

  “Nope. I think you’re in over your head.” She cocked an eyebrow. “Am I right or am I right, Luke?”

  Luke’s mouth was too full of Pez candies to answer, but the rapid head bob confirmed his agreement. “Mmm-hmm!”

  “I play to win. I don’t like to lose.” A flash of carnal hunger replaced the playfulness in Daxton’s gaze and it chipped away at her resolve. No, no, no… she couldn’t fall to pieces because of some semi-harmless suggestive language. Hold it together. Let him know you’re not giving away your hand.

  “Then start picking different opponents.” There. She maintained control. Good. She could crumble later – still wondering, still lusting, but also still whole. His words spoke volumes: play to win. Well, she wasn’t some damned trophy. Not for anyone. Not anymore.

  A few games later, Luke was crowned the ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom. His eyes gre
w heavier and heavier with each passing game, but man, the little guy was a trooper. After their last bout, he let out a loud yawn and settled into the pillows. “Thanks so much for the game, Dax. I’m really glad you came.”

  Daxton gave him a fist bump. “You’re the best, man. If you need anything, you call me, understand? I’ll be back. I promise.”

  Luke nodded. “Okay,” he whispered, his eyes fluttering closed.

  She backed out of the room, leaving Daxton alone to watch Luke for a few moments. Her presence had already been enough of an intrusion to their guys’ night activities. Would this be the last time Daxton saw Luke alive? It was a horrible question to acknowledge, but one that couldn’t be avoided under the circumstances.

  Moments later, Daxton walked out of the room. His face was tired, drawn, and concern etched his features. “Thanks for being here.”

  “Are you okay?”

  He let out a deep sigh and leaned against the wall. It was almost as if his body had resigned itself to the fact that it couldn’t rewrite the outcome of this chapter. “No. Definitely not okay.”

  “Daxton Cole. I heard you might be stopping by.” A low male voice from behind made Sara jump. An adult version of Luke joined them outside the room. Handsome man, blond hair, bright smile. But his eyes were troubled, exhausted, and sad…so very sad.

  “Keith, it’s good to see you. This is my friend, Sara.”

  “Hi.” A single pathetic word was all she could seem to utter, but what the heck else could she say? This man’s son was living out his final days. All she wanted to do was crawl into a ball and weep for Luke and his family, for the life Luke would never get to experience, for the sorrows his survivors would carry forever.

  “Thanks so much for coming. It means so much to him.”

  “Luke just fell asleep after a monster round of Super Mario. I also brought him some more Pez. You know they’re like his super hero vitamins.”

  Keith smiled. “You’ve been a great friend to him, Dax. We appreciate everything you’ve done.”

  Daxton clapped him on the back. “Call me if you need anything. Whenever, okay? I promise to get here as quickly as I can.”